Better Than Me
by BoundaryOfLimitation
Summary: Tonight, once again I can't sleep.Without your little goodnight kiss that I had to bug you every night to give me, my brain just won't shut down and rest...Yuu-chan, I really am an idiot...feat. Better Than Me by Hinder..Enjoy


**Okay people...This is my new one...I just can't get enough of this pair..They are just so cute!! Before I get carried away, this is my very first song fic...Hope you guys enjoy it...And oh, please excuse me for my lousy grammar...Hhaha...**

**Disclaimer : I wish I own this anime but no such luck...**

**a/n : Okay guys..Before you read this...Go download Hinder - Better Than Me and listen while you read... I'm featuring this story to this song...Somehow, I felt like it fits these two a lot..Other than that..Please enjoy...**

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_I think you can do much better than me  
After all the lies that I made you believe…_

I've been sitting for a long time pondering if the decision I'd made was right. How long exactly had it been? As I sat here, I could still remember your lovely face when I walked away. Walk right out of your life.

The truth is, Yuu, you deserve much more then I could give you. I guess I'm just not the one for you. After so many lies I'd said, after so many lies I'd made you believe, I guess it's only right to let you go. Despite the angry and painful look in your deep sapphire eyes, despite this throbbing pain in my chest.

From the beginning, we were never meant to be together. You have no I idea how tormented I am, but everything I did was for your own good.

_Guilt kicks in and I start to see  
the edge of the bed  
Where your nightgown used to be…  
_

It's been two weeks since the day I left you. Now, there is this huge empty space beside me in this cold bed. Tell me, Yuu-chan, how can I not feel guilty for all the lies I'd told you? How can this wrenching guilt not grip my heart when you still love me for who I am?

Life is unfair. Then again, what is fair? We are nothing but two foolish human beings trying to challenge the boundaries of life. We are but two young hearts that had been left in cold and pain for too long, we both unconsciously reached out craving for something so foolish yet warm and true called love.

Never in my life had I imagined myself being so deeply involved in this little game filled with something called feelings and emotion. Yuu-chan, I had already fallen too deep in love with you, 'till it's too late to back off now. There's no turning back.

_I told myself I won't miss you  
But I remember  
What it feels like beside you…  
_

When I took the very first step away from you, I told myself firmly and strictly, I will never regret nor look back. But here I go again, telling lies, only this time it's worse, I'm lying to myself. I actually believed I can survive without you but over and over again emotions prove me wrong within this short two weeks.

Since when did it start? Since when I couldn't do anything without you? At night I craved for your warmth. At day I craved for your love. I can't concentrate on anything I do.

I told myself I won't miss you, but why am I sitting here, eyes producing a liquid substance called tears just for you? The feeling of you beside me, the smell of faint flower, blood and autumn wind, Yuu-chan, I miss you like hell.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes  
And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me…_

Your face when you sleep, how many times had I wondered silently to myself asking if you're the incarnate of God's most beautiful angel? Your long hair would spread out messily all around you and your pillow, making it look like as if a bottle of ink just spilled there.

Your face when you sleep is always innocent. Free from all the unpleasant emotion. It made me only want to kiss you lightly and never ever let you go.

All these emotions and feelings for you are deep and true, but it's not good enough for me to keep you beside me. No matter how much I love you. You deserve so much better than me.

_While looking through your old box of notes  
I found those pictures I took  
That you were looking for  
If there's one memory I don't want to lose  
That time at the mall  
You and me in the dressing room…_

A long time ago, I stole a picture of you when you were young from the bottom drawer of your cupboard. In that picture held smiles of a beautiful Japanese lady with eyes just as blue and deep as the ocean and handsome man with deep sharp feature just like you. In that lady's arms was a baby boy. I knew it was you; nobody could have the same deep sapphire blue eyes as yours.

You nearly killed me for seeing it but you can't hide the love in those eyes when you stare at that picture. Seeing you made my heart ache and so I cradled you softly into my arms with a kiss that made both our hearts missed a beat.

_The bed I'm lying in is getting colder…  
__  
_

Tonight, once again I couldn't sleep. Without your little goodnight kiss that I had to bug you every night to give me, my brain just won't shut down and rest. My arms feel so empty. I still remember how your long, pale and slender fingers would entangle themselves in my flaming red hair and pull me close, really close, especially on a cold winter night.

I lift my gaze to see thousands of frozen tears falling from the sky outside my window. I couldn't see the sky, under the grey clouds, the world looked pale and plain and painful.

Tonight's gonna be a really cold night. Yuu-chan, will you miss my warm embrace and those sneaky kisses I always plant on your lips? I can't find any warmth in this huge bed without you. I should really try to get some sleep before the night comes; I had to pull an all nighter again tonight with some lousy record I had to write that is due tomorrow.

_Wish I never would've said it's over  
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older…_

Cold tears creep slowly to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. With the back of my hands I wipe them angrily away. You know what Yuu-chan? Since I was five years old, I had never cried. As a bookman, restraining those tears from welling behind my eyes is the most basic self control.

But right now, here I am, sitting on this cold huge bed weeping like a three year old loosing whatever crappy self control I have. My eyes, they are crying for you. My heart is silently breaking for you.

"Don't be a wimp." Is what you always say to me every time when tears well behind my eyes, threatening to fall. But you, you are always there, long slender arms would embrace me tightly when no one was looking and give me an earful of what a wimp I am. It never failed to make me smile. What about those tears? Well, you would kiss them softly away with your lovely warm lips and I'll be all healed again.

At night, I wonder if you knew, you would occasionally mumble my name in your sleep. I kept it a secret but every time when you call me name, my heart leaps a mile.

"Don't go." You would mumble and I would wonder if you're talking about me. On those nights, I would scoot just a little more closer and hold you firmly in my arms.

"I'm right here." I would whisper and you would lean closer and nuzzle your face at my neck. It made me want to burst in joy with you right there in my arms.

_'Cause we never really had our closure  
This can't be the end…_

Yuu-chan, I want to see you so badly that it made my whole body ache. From the beginning, have you ever loved me? Now as I think back, it was always me pushing and forcing my feelings onto you and you always resist. But at the end of the day, you would always give in and let yourself hug me close.

Tell me Yuu-chan, have you ever loved me? Do you remember the time when I first made you mine, you were moaning my name. Was it just pure lust or there was really love in it?

Hah. You really got me this time Yuu-chan. I'd fallen so damn deep in love with you 'till I going crazy but I'm not worth it. I don't deserve you.

"Don't go."

Your voice suddenly echoes in my heart. Tonight is gonna be a cold night, will you be whispering those words to me? But too bad, I won't be there to hold you close and tell you I'm there.

"Come back."

I heard your voice yell in my heart again. I looked up through my tear filled eyes only to see darkness. Yuu-chan, are you calling for me? Or I'm hallucinating?

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes…_

"Lavi, you idiot."

Yes, Yuu-chan, I am an idiot. I am an idiot for falling in love with you. I am an idiot for leaving. I am an idiot for crying my eyes out for you.

"Stay with me."

My dear heart, what's the matter with you? Are you trying to break into more pieces then you already are? Why does Yuu's voice keep appearing?

Something suddenly snaps in me. My tears stop abruptly. Everything is clear now. I could kick myself for being so stupid all these time. I stood up from my bed and got dressed quickly.

The time says seven pm. The journey back to Black Order from here on train takes four hours. Wait for me Yuu-chan; I won't let you sleep alone tonight.

_And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me…_

Even though I know oh so clearly that you deserve so much more then me, but I now know so clearly that no matter how imperfect I am, I guess it's me that you love isn't it Yuu-chan?

The frozen tears are falling really hard as I barely make out the tall building of Black Order. I am so close. Just wait a little longer Yuu-chan, I will be there.

_I really miss your hair in my face  
And the way your innocence tastes…_

Outside your room I stood, willing myself not to chicken out. Almost everyone in Black Order cried in joy when they saw me but they were not important for the moment. I need to find you.

Carefully, silently, I push the heavy wooden door open without knocking. You never locked your door 'cause nobody with their right minds would ever dare to go to your room accept me.

Its eleven pm already. I made it just in time for your bed time but all I could make out in your dark cold room was a lump on that huge bed we always share. Are you asleep?

Something hit me; maybe, you're just fine without me. You never really needed me in your life; I'm just a mere idiot in your life to entertain you. Did I make a wrong decision again?

_And I think you should know this  
You deserve much better than me…_

I heard a silent sniff under that thick blanket. Did you catch a cold Yuu-chan? I thought I always warn you not to spend too much time outside on winters?

Silently I walked towards your bed. The sniffing got louder and you still hadn't notice me.

When I saw that familiar slender yet muscular back, my heart clenched tighter in my chest. You were facing the wall with your back towards the room.

Slowly I reached out my hand and touched your shoulder. You jumped and sat up quickly, wide-eyed. What I saw nearly cut my soul into half. Under the really pale moonlight, I saw rivers of tears trailing down your cheeks.

"Lavi?" you whispered my name in confusion.

"Yuu," I called your name out loud for the first time in two weeks. You frowned; sapphire deep blue eyes frowned at me with very intense anger and pain.

"I thought you're already gone." you state coldly.

I could only remain silent as tears filled my eyes. I reached out to remove my eye-patch trying to wipe the tears at the same time. When I look up again, you were already on your feet. Hands clenched in tight fist, starring at my tears that I tried to hide sadly.

Since when did Yuu-chan become soft? The old Yuu-chan would punch me right in the nose or cut me into pieces with Mugen but you didn't do anything. You just stood there in your pajamas starring at me.

I took a brave step forward towards you and carefully embrace you, hiding my face in your long, sweet smelling hair. You did not push me away like you always do; you just stood there with no reaction.

"I'm sorry." I whispered tears silently fall and dropped onto your long lovely black hair.

"I realized I couldn't live without you, even though I don't deserve you." I mumbled brokenly. Strong slender arms slowly hugged me back around my waist.

"Why do you always have to be such an idiot?" you growled angrily breaking the silence of dark cold winter night.

"_You deserve much better than me_." I cried. "But I love you so much."

"You idiot, you are all I want." Without waiting for me to reply, you pulled me closer and kissed me long and hard on the lips.

"Yuu-chan," I whispered breathlessly after the kiss ended. "Does this mean you forgive me?" you stared at me long and hard.

"No," and you begun yelling at me telling me what an idiot I am, and what a coward I am and seriously, I had never been so glad to hear you yelling.

"Just one question Yuu-chan." I cut you halfway.

"What?! I'm not done talking y-."

"Have you ever loved me?" you stopped and glare at me so hard, I thought you were gonna kill me.

"If not, do you think I would let you off after all those sneaky kisses and sore ass in the mornings?!" he yelled and I blushed.

"Yuu-chan! Not so loud, people will hear you!"

"Che, like I care. You made my blood boil and you're not getting away unt-"I didn't let you finish your sentence. I pulled you into a bone crushing hug again and whispered,

"I promise you, I won't go away again. Never again." You fell silent and hugged me closer.

"Che, you better keep your promise." You warned. I smiled. "I promise."

"But I'm not done talking yet." I chuckled and listen attentively to your every word and scolding. I had never been so glad to hear your voice yelling at me Yuu-chan.

"I love you." I suddenly whispered smiling and you blushed then glare at me and sighed.

"Stop cutting my sentence!" I laughed, peeling off my wet coat and scarf.

"Forgive me already Yuu-chan, I promised I wouldn't do it again didn't I?" I hugged you from behind while you were not paying attention.

"Che," you spat looking away from my grinning face. I grinned even wider and cupped your face and kissed you again long and hard.

"I'm not done talking yet." You stubbornly said after we pulled away to catch our breathe.

I groaned and pull you with me towards the bed. We lay side by side with you firmly in my arms as you continue to yell at me. Once again, I'd never been so glad to hear you yelling at me.

"Yuu-chan..." I sang softly after he finished yelling.

"What?" he snapped back sharply but quietly.

"Can I have a good night kiss?" I pouted at you.

"Che. Go kiss yourself." You tried to pull away from my embrace.

"Aww~~Yuu-chan...I need a kiss from you to sleep." I moaned tightening my grip around your waist.

"Che, you sneaky rabbit. I said NO!"

"Yuu~~~" I plead, trying not to smile. This is just like every night, I will have to bug him 'till I have that little good night kiss that will make me sleep well the whole night and I know, he will eventually give in just like always.

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**Hahaha..How was it? Awful? Nice? Nothing much? It doesn't matter really..As long as you enjoyed it... Sorry if it's a bit OOC...I guess I'm in a too good mood to make anything bad...Drop a comment if you like..Criticism or whatever is accepted...**


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